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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25993453">nothing good in goodbye</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/cafe_au_late/pseuds/cafe_au_late'>cafe_au_late</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>of no vault of my own [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/F, Hurt No Comfort, Sad times all around, break up fic, prequel to my olympics fic Key to the Vault</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 02:41:19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>6,107</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25993453</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/cafe_au_late/pseuds/cafe_au_late</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>There is nothing good in goodbye, Edelgard decides. Especially not this one. The two should not exist together, next to each other. Good and bye could not possibly coexist.</p><p> </p><p>“We should break up.” </p><p> </p><p>Hilda initiates the break up. Their lives are diverging, they can't hold onto each other like this anymore.</p><p> </p><p>“We can’t stay friends, Hilda. Please don't contact me ever again.”</p><p> </p><p>Edelgard makes it a clean break. They can't move forward with these lingering chains still locked around their hearts.</p><p> </p><p>Hilda watches Edelgard walk out of her life. This hurts more than she expects.</p><p> </p><p>Maybe there is nothing good in goodbye.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Hilda Valentine Goneril/Edelgard von Hresvelg</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>of no vault of my own [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1887184</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>24</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>nothing good in goodbye</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This is the prequel fic to my Fodlan Summer Olympics 2020 fic, Key to the Vault. You can find it here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25993360</p><p>But you can read this as a standalone fic if you want. :D</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>There is nothing good in goodbye, Edelgard decides. Especially not this one. The two should not exist together, next to each other. Good and bye could not possibly coexist.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“We should break up.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hilda smiles as she says this, like she is doing Edelgard a favour by saying these words. Her smile falters as she sees the shock on Edelgard’s face. Edelgard never expected this. She could have never seen it coming. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What do you mean?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I mean exactly what I said, Del. We should break up.” Hilda sighs, rubbing her temples tiredly. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Del.</span>
  </em>
  <span> What a stupid nickname. The one time that Edelgard finally works up the courage to ask Hilda to call her El, she fumbles it. In her embarrassment, she never corrected Hilda. Nor would she ever get the change to- not that it mattered.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Why?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Do I need a reason why?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Generally, yes.” Edelgard is still shocked, reeling as Hilda studies her expression, eyes distant.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>There’s a pause. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m moving back to Derdriu.” Hilda finally replies.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What? Why?” This is news to Edelgard. Hilda has never said anything about moving away.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I got scouted by Derdriu University.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You got scouted by a lot of different places.” Edelgard replied evenly, not accepting Hilda’s answer.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yes, but Derdriu University was the offer that I accepted.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You could have had your choice from pretty much every school on this side of Fodlan. Why did you pick Derdriu?” Edelgard’s head is spinning. She could understand if Derdriu was the only place that sent Hilda an offer, but Hilda has received many offers- Edelgard has witnessed the ever growing stack that Hilda keeps on her desk. Many offers for schools and programs much closer than Derdriu.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“A lot of athletes who make it to the Olympics come from Derdriu University. They have one of the best programs there. The Leceister national team scouts from there pretty often as well.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t understand. Why didn’t you talk to me about this? When were you going to tell me?” Edelgard asks desperately, hoping that she is misunderstanding what Hilda is saying, that this is all a big terrible prank.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m telling you now aren’t I? ” Hilda snaps. “You just had surgery for your leg when I got the offer. How could I have said anything then? You were depressed and down on yourself.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’ve known for </span>
  <em>
    <span>six </span>
  </em>
  <span>months?” Edelgard gapes, thinking back to the last six months. Had Hilda been thinking about breaking up with her for the last six months that they were together? Were the last six months just a lie? There’s a sinking feeling of betrayal in her gut.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“There was never a good time to tell you, okay?” Hilda retorted defensively. “What was I supposed to do? Kick you when you were down? Just ‘hey Del, I know you’re really upset because you broke your leg and this might be the end of your sports career but also I’m going to go to school far away’. Like you would have taken that really well.” Hilda huffs, crossing her arms across her chest.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So you’re moving far away to go to school and so you’re breaking up with me.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yup.” Hilda pops the ‘puh’ sound loudly. Obnoxiously.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What about us?” Edelgard asks again.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What </span>
  <em>
    <span>about</span>
  </em>
  <span> us?” Hilda narrows her eyes at Edelgard.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Do we mean that little to you? That you would throw away everything we have for this?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hilda stares for a long moment. “You know. I thought you would be happy for me. Proud of me. You’ve been pushing me all this time to do better, to apply myself, to work harder. And when I finally do, you’re all upset at me for it. You’re a hypocrite, Del.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Don’t call me that!” Edelgard snaps. She takes a deep breath trying to steady her fraying nerves. Her right leg throbs. “Stop calling me that.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They fall silent again. Staring at each other. Edelgard can feel the tears welling in her eyes and she wills them not to fall. “I thought we had something special.” She almost whispers, voice cracking with emotion.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hilda keeps staring at her, “We did have something special. I will always remember us as some of the happiest times of my life. But this isn’t working out, Edelgard. It hasn’t been for a while. Something else is going to tear us apart, it just so happens to be Derdriu this time.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Only because you are letting it tear us apart! We clearly weren't happy enough if you’re letting it go! ” Edelgard points a finger directly at Hilda’s face. “A little hardship and you’re out here calling it quits! If our relationship means so little to you then, then, then I don’t know who you are! You are not the person that I fell in love with.” She bursts out, chest heaving with anger.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“People change, Edelgard! Who I am now is not the same as the person I was when you first met me!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I should’ve known better! You were always like this!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Like what, Edelgard? Not afraid to chase after what I want no matter how far I have to go?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m not what you want then.” The realization slams full force into Edelgard, like the ground at the end of a fall.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You don’t want me any more.” Edelgard states flatly. She crosses her arms as well. The words rip at her even as she says it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That’s not what I meant!” Hilda grinds out, frustrated. “Stop twisting my words around!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Then why do you want to break up?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Breaking up with you and wanting you are two separate things, Del!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I told you to stop calling me that!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They are right up in each other’s face, breathing heavily. Edelgard is the first one to pull away, she needs the distance right now.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I should have known better.” Edelgard repeats to herself. “You were always jumping from one thing to the next.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hilda growls in frustration. “Not all of us can be like you and have the rest of their lives figured out already, okay? I might get to Derdriu and decide not to join their track and field team. I might go into fashion or design. I just don’t know right now! There’s a whole world out there and I need to go and see it for myself and figure out what I want.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Edelgard’s mouth snaps shut. It’s one thing for Hilda to be leaving for Derdriu University for a one in a lifetime opportunity in their track and field program, (yes, Edelgard has to admit they do have one of the best track and field programs out there) but another for Hilda to just be going out there for… </span>
  <em>
    <span>nothing</span>
  </em>
  <span>. For her to throw everything away for something that she doesn’t even know yet.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Edelgard couldn’t wrap her mind around it. She doesn’t think she ever could.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And breaking up is the only option for you to do that?” Edelgard asks, suddenly quiet.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah. I think that would be best. I don’t want to drag us through a long distance relationship, not when I want to focus on making the team and getting to the Olympics or whatever I so decide to do out there.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hilda doesn’t need to say it, but Edelgard could hear the words echoing, unsaid. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I don’t want anything holding me back.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Okay.” Edelgard says. Resigned. Defeated.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You don’t have anything else to say?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What do you want me to say, Hilda? Beg you to stay? You’ve already made up your mind. There’s no point begging someone who already has their bags packed to stay in a relationship they want out from.” Edelgard says bitterly. She feels tired. Like all of the anger and sadness and heartbreak that she felt has drained all the energy from her. The emotions that fuelled her earlier, sputtering out.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Okay. I’m sorry, Edelgard. I didn’t want to hurt you-”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Save it.” Edelgard snarls. “Goodbye, Hilda.”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Her bedroom is dark, the only bit of light comes seeping in from the hallway through the gap at the bottom. She has curled up in her bed, all of the sheets and pillows flung to the floor in a fit of rage and sadness. The bare mattress scratches uncomfortably at her skin, itching at lines of surgical scars on her now healed right leg- but this is better than to be surrounded by the scent of jasmine and sandalwood with the faintest hint of chalk- the telltale scent of </span>
  <em>
    <span>Hilda</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Hilda.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Hilda.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Hilda.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They used to joke around about how the scent of chalk would follow them everywhere no matter how many showers they took or how much perfume they sprayed. Now the scent of it made her heart wrench.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Once upon a time, Edelgard would have been happy to get back on the track after her hiatus, her accident. She would have been excited to have her pole in hand, next bar set before her to soar over- now the idea of having to go back, to do those things without Hilda, to the track where she and Hilda practiced day in and day out made her feel like throwing up.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She rolls over and stares around her room. There aren't a lot of decorations, Edelgard never spent much time in the room so she just never bothers decorating it. But the few items that are present that Edelgard has placed so strategically, almost like a foolish display, make something sharp and painful tear through Edelgard’s chest. In her pain she has forgotten that she still has these </span>
  <em>
    <span>things</span>
  </em>
  <span>, these gifts from Hilda, these painful reminders of what they had. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Drawing from some unknown reserve of energy that she doesn’t even know she has, Edelgard sits up and storms over to her closet and digs out a cardboard box. There’s a bunch of old clothes at the bottom of it so she just upends it, letting it all fall into a pile on her floor.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She reaches her desk first. A well used quill pen sat on the right side of it. She has written many important assignments and many love letters with it. </span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Edelgard remembers when Hilda gave her the pen. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They are exploring an antique market one lazy afternoon. Practice has been cancelled so they take the opportunity to have a little date. Most of the items in the market are just plain ugly or completely unusable, and they wander through all the different shelves, hand in hand, just content to be spending time with each other (even if Hilda shrieks when Edelgard picks up an old dirty white mask with a flame design over one eye).</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Eventually they come across a beautiful white feather, pristine despite the thick layer of dust around it. For a few seconds, they think that a bird has gotten into the store and left a feather behind but quickly realize that it's actually a pen. One of those old fashioned pens that you have to dip into ink.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Look at this pen, Hilda. It’s so beautiful.” Edelgard murmurs as she picks up the pen.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That pen has nothing on you, Del.” Hilda smirks, planting a smug kiss on Edelgard’s cheek. Edelgard can feel herself blushing furiously. She focuses on the pen in her hands so that she won’t get too flustered, relishing in the way that the feather brushes across her skin.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Edelgard sighs, putting the pen back reluctantly, “Too bad I don’t have any money with me today.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We’ll come back and get it some other day,” Hilda says, gently coaxing Edelgard away from the pen even as she looks at it mournfully.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Okay, okay.” Edelgard relents and follows Hilda to another part of the store with brightly coloured feather boas and a wide assortment of old books. Edelgard is so caught up in reading a particularly interesting novel that she doesn’t even notice Hilda sneak away until a small paper bag is thrust into her face, pulling her away from her reading.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I got you a gift, Del!” Hilda all but sings, smiling brightly at her.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Edelgard narrows her eyes at her girlfriend, suspicious, but takes the paper bag nonetheless. She finds the pen that she was looking at earlier inside. “Hilda…” Edelgard gasps. She looks up at the other girl who’s still smiling brightly at her. “You didn’t have to!” Edelgard can’t help but smile back.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“To see this smile on your face? I absolutely had to,” Hilda wraps an arm around Edelgard’s waist before leading her away from the store. “Besides, now you have a really fancy pen to write me love letters and cute little notes with.” Hilda smirks.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You just wanted me to write you love letters,” Edelgard huffs, letting herself be led outside into the bright sunlight. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You know that I think your handwriting is really pretty,” Hilda leans into Edelgard’s side, pulling her ever closer as they walked down the street. “And maybe I do want to hear my favourite girl wax poetic about me.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Narcissist.” Edelgard mocks, with all of the feeling and none of the bite.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You love me anyway!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Edelgard blushes. “Yeah. I do.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hilda turns to look at her, her smug expression melting off from Edelgard’s sudden earnestness. “And I love you too.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hilda’s brilliant smile and carefree spirit pens countless love letters.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Edelgard places the quill pen into the bottom of the box, letting the feather brush against her hand one last time. She tosses the remainder of her nice stationary into the bottom of the box as well. There's no point to keeping that either. </span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Turning, Edelgard spots a pair of white gloves laying on top of her dresser. They’re pristine. Recently gently hand washed. She knows there’s an embroidered inscription on the inside.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Another gift from Hilda.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Winters are brutal on Edelgard’s joints, especially all the little joints in her fingers. The cold bites at them, numbing them but at the same time sending sharp little lances of pain shooting through them. Usually Edelgard keeps a few hot packs with her to help ward off the pain but on that specific day, not even the hot packs were helping, and she has lost her gloves somewhere.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Edelgard meets Hilda at the park. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The snow crunches under her boots, as she walks up to Hilda who is stomping her feet in place trying to get some semblance of warmth back into her limbs. Hilda smiles brightly at her, her hands are tucked behind her back. </span>
  <span><br/>
<br/>
</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What are we doing here?” Edelgard asks curiously, she had wanted to spend the day at the library, studying, but Hilda insisted that Edelgard meet her at the park. So here she was, in the bitter cold.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We’re going to go ice skating!” Hilda announces proudly. She gestures with one hand at the frozen pond behind them where people are skating around leisurely. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know how to skate.” Edelgard frowns at Hilda. She clenches and unclenches her fists a few times, trying to get some feeling back into her numb fingers. There’s small pin pricks of pain shooting up them already. She really would rather be inside right now, somewhere nice and warm with a cup of hot tea.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That’s okay,” Hilda smiles at her encouragingly. “I’ll teach you! And I’ll be right there with you the entire time.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t have gloves,” Edelgard tries again. She lifts her bare hands up to show Hilda.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hilda smiles, undeterred. “I know you lost yours, so I went and got you a new pair.” From behind her back, Hilda reveals a pair of white gloves. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The gloves are surprisingly soft. Edelgard slips one on, marvelling in the feeling of the fabric against her skin. She can feel the warmth immediately. As she turns the other glove over, a flash of pink catches her eye. There’s something pink on the inside of the glove. Something is embroidered there in a pink thread. Letters?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A word.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>No. A name.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hilda.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hilda?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Hilda.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Edelgard looks up at her girlfriend, confused. Hilda is smirking at her mischievously. She takes a step closer so that she’s pressed right up against Edelgard, hair tickling Edelgard’s nose as she leans in so that her breath ghosts over Edelgard’s ear. “Just to remind you who you belong to.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hilda’s brazenness and breath on Edelgard’s skin keeps Edelgard warm on many cold nights.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Edelgard picks up the gloves, turning them over like she had done countless times before. Her breath catches in her chest as she sees the name in a light pink, faded over numerous washes and winters. Edelgard has never bought a new pair of gloves since. She closes her eyes and puts the gloves in the box as well. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Perhaps she would buy mittens.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Across the room, on her bookshelf, sits a porcelain tea set. Each cup is decorated with an intricate design, depicting birds flying into a forest to take roost. The teapot has a family of birds, settled around a nest. One of the parents is shown, returning to the nest with a fish in its talons.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Edelgard crosses the room in three long strides and stands before it, staring at it dumbly.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A little parting gift of sorts from Hilda when she had to leave on her first trip as a couple.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Edelgard remembers hugging Hilda at the airport when Hilda left for Leceister. She was going home to visit her family for the holidays. They hold onto each other for a long moment in front of the security checkpoint. Both of them are sniffling, trying their hardest to hold back tears while smiling.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’ll only be gone for a few weeks,” Hilda reassures her, rubbing circles into Edelgard’s shoulder blades.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I know but this will be the longest we won’t be able to see each other.” Edelgard buries her nose in Hilda's collar, not caring that she had to bend down to do so.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Only in the physical sense,” Hilda reminded her, “We’ll still be texting all the time and you can video chat me everyday.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I know.” Edelgard mumbles. “I’ll miss you though.” She inhales deeply, trying to memorize the soothing scent of her girlfriend.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And I’ll miss you too. Don’t worry. I’ll be back before you know it!” Hilda smiles encouragingly at Edelgard. “Don’t forget the present!” Hilda points to the pink box Edelgard has tucked under one arm. There’s a note with strict instructions not to open it until Hilda is gone.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Edelgard nods. They reluctantly separate and Edelgard watches as Hilda crosses through security. She keeps watching as Hilda makes it out to the other side and blows her a kiss. She watches until the familiar figure disappears further into the airport.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Her phone rings. Edelgard nearly drops it in her haste to answer it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>HIlda.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Did you open the gift yet, Del?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, not yet. I will one second.” Edelgard tucks the phone between her ear and shoulder so she can pull the lid off of the box. Inside is a beautiful teapot with a single matching teacup. “This is beautiful,” Edelgard marvels, running her fingers over the design reverently.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“There’s two tea cups.” Hilda informs her.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I only see one?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That’s because I have the other one with me.” Edelgard can picture Hilda’s beaming smile, slightly smug at her idea coming to fruition. “When you call me, we can make tea in these matching cups and it’ll be like we’re having tea together. Two of your favourite things, me </span>
  <em>
    <span>and</span>
  </em>
  <span> tea.”</span>
  <span><br/>
<br/>
</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Edelgard is left at a loss for words.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Del? You still there? If you don’t like the idea, we can do something else.” Hilda’s voice was quiet, shy even. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No!” Edelgard nearly shouts, startling some of the passerby with the force of it. She sheepishly lowers her voice. “No. I love this idea. It’s very thoughtful of you, thank you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Okay. I gotta go now. I’ll call you when I land okay? Love you!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Love you!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hilda’s thoughtfulness and creativity pours many late night conversations.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Edelgard carefully places each piece into the box. She runs her fingers over the various ridges and dips in the porcelain. She briefly questions whether Hilda had wanted to break up even then. She was going back to </span>
  <em>
    <span>Leceister</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Could she trust any of her memories with Hilda?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Edelgard couldn’t answer that question.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The box feels infinitely heavier, weighed down by three years worth of sudden doubt triggered by her question with no answer.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She shoves the box into a corner of her closet where she won’t be able to see it at first glance and closes the closet door. It's probably best that she get rid of the box. She leans against the door, sliding down it to bury her head between her knees. The sound of the door latching breaks something in Edelgard. The finality of it, of this moment.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It's really over. </span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Edelgard cries.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  
</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hilda seals off another box with tape and labels it winter clothes. Her room was in disarray- well more so than usual. Who knew that she had accumulated so many things over the years? She would ship most of these things off in boxes back to Leceister. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She keeps running her last conversation with Edelgard over in her mind, wondering if there were other things that she could have said or perhaps even a better time that she could’ve chosen. There’s never a good time. A week turns into two. A month turns into two months. Before she knows it, six months have gone by.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>For a while, Hilda really thought that long distance would be the answer. But the more that she thought about it, the more that it seemed impossible. Firstly, there was Edelgard. You would never be able to tell, but Edelgard is a very physical person- it might be an exaggeration to say that she is touch starved, but Edelgard needs that sense of connection (even if she doesn’t know it). It would be even worse for her if Hilda dragged things out even further with a long distance relationship.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Besides, there is still a lot Hilda needs to figure out. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sometimes, she envies Edelgard. Edelgard who knows exactly what she wants in life and boldly reaches for what she wants with both hands. Hilda doesn’t know what she wants yet. But she knows that she wants to reach for it.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Hilda sighs, there’s still a whole half of the room she had to pack. She pulls open her desk drawer and begins emptying out all the papers and notebooks inside. Something soft grazes her finger. Frowning, she removes the rest of the books to find a familiar tensor bandage at the bottom. It is still neatly rolled up into a little cylinder, looking like it was fresh out of the package, never having been used.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hilda remembers feigning a sprained wrist to get out of gym class during the first week of school. She sits by herself on a bench as the class wanders off to play kickball at the baseball diamond, having been sent to go see the nurse but having no intention to. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Her thoughts of what she ought to do in her newly found freedom is interrupted by a very pretty girl sitting next to her on the bench. “I know seeing the nurse can be kind of intimidating sometimes, but I brought you a tensor bandage to wrap your wrist with if you don’t want to go.” The other girl looks at her with such gentle concern that Hilda’s heart is doing flips in her chest.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She presses the little roll of bandages into Hilda’s hand. “You just keep these with you…?” Hilda trails off, realizing that she never got the other girl’s name.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh yes. I do a lot of track and field, so injuries are quite common. I like to be prepared.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hilda can see that track and field seems to have its benefits judging solely by how toned this other girl is. The dumb gym clothes that they all have to wear certainly don’t help hide anything. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Still, Hilda is touched by the notion that this girl would stop by and try to help a complete stranger.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A gentle hand on Hilda’s arm has her flinching away sharply, the feeling of electricity shooting up her arm at that simple physical contact is startling. “Sorry! I shouldn’t have touched your arm like that without asking especially because you’re injured.” The other girl is immediately apologetic, hands up in the air so she wouldn’t bump Hilda by accident.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, no it’s fine. You surprised me, that’s all.” Hilda waves the other girl’s apology off. “I don’t think I ever got your name?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I do apologize. I’m Edelgard.”</span>
  <span><br/>
<br/>
</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Edelgard.” Hilda repeats, trying out the way the name sounded in her mouth. She likes it, she decides. “I’m Hilda.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Would you like me to help you wrap your sprained wrist, Hilda?” Edelgard offers, tossing her long ponytail over her shoulder.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hilda eyes her for a moment, squeezing the tensor in her hand. It was such a perfectly rolled little bundle- kind of cute actually, like the girl sitting beside her. Hilda finds herself shaking her head. “I have it handled, you should head back to class before you get in trouble.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Edelgard checks her watch, and blanches when she realizes how long she has been sitting with Hilda. “Are you sure? I don’t mind helping you out, trouble or not.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hilda smiles, “I will be fine. I think detention is a bad look on someone as cute as you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span> Edelgard blushes furiously, “I’m not cute!” She stands up indignantly, and turns to walk back to class with a huff. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Whatever you say, cutie!” Hilda calls out after Edelgard’s retreating form.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Edelgard flips her off and Hilda laughs.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Edelgard has a bigger heart than she really lets on, she is one of the most caring people that Hilda has ever met.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hilda loves that about her.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Hilda never ends up using the tensor bandage. She can’t bring herself to unroll the neat little bundle, keeping it in her desk as a keepsake from when she first met Edelgard. The bandage goes into a side pocket of her duffel bag. She ends up joining the track and field team shortly after that meeting, not knowing what she’s doing, where she’s going. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Well, she knows the answer to both of those questions now. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She never meant for track and field to become any more than a little side hobby where she gets to hang out with Edelgard and check out attractive girls. But Edelgard’s dedication and enthusiasm for the sport is infectious, and here she is now- taking off on her own little vault to Derdriu. She could never have imagined this when she was younger.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Even if pole vaulting was Edelgard’s sport to begin with, Hilda is kind of glad she has it. It’s nice to have something to work towards, even if the work is difficult.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Another reason for her to leave.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She has to do this for herself. She can’t do that while she is still with Edelgard.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>With a sigh, Hilda turns to her vanity, still covered in different bottles of lotions and cosmetics. She begins putting them into freezer bags, last thing she wants is for them to start leaking all over her other things.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Her hands hover over a familiar bottle of perfume, decorated with a baby pink flower that acted as the lid. It’s nearly empty. She lifts it up to eye level and examines it critically. There’s a few drops left. She can’t bear to use those last few drops.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Edelgard buys these for her every year. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hilda often drags her girlfriend out to the mall. She likes to keep up with all the different trends but it was also fun to put on little fashion shows for Edelgard in the different dressing rooms. Way more fun than going by herself. Besides, Edelgard’s attention on her is never unwelcome.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They are about to head home after one of these trips- Hilda’s been on the hunt for new swimwear for summer. They spend a few hours at the mall, trying on many different suits in many different styles. Hilda even manages to get Edelgard to try on this ridiculous watermelon patterned bikini. Edelgard turns a delightful shade of red to match the silly watermelon slices of fabric that is the bikini top.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hilda buys the watermelon swimsuit while Edelgard isn’t looking. But as they leave the department store, something catches her nose. Well, a lot of things to be more exact. The strong mixture of different perfumes and colognes all mingling together to assault her senses. She follows the scent deeper into the cosmetics department.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hilda?” Edelgard asks as Hilda walks up to one of the many glass displays. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hilda picks up one of the bottles and gives it an experimental spritz onto a little tester card. She sniffs and makes a face. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Didn’t you just buy a new bottle of perfume?” Edelgard asks, amused.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yes,” Hilda sighs. “But I just feel like it doesn’t fit me.” She tries a different bottle and makes another face.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What about it doesn’t fit you?” Edelgard examines the bottle that Hilda just put down. She sniffs the bottle delicately but doesn’t react beyond that.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m tired of smelling like sugar and spice and everything nice.” Hilda complained. “I want to smell like sexy and sexy and everything sexy.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Edelgard raises her eyebrows at Hilda, trying her hardest not to laugh.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Okay! Fine! Just something not so sweet and overpowering! Something more floral, a little bit lighter.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“If you want lighter, you could halve the amount that you apply,” Edelgard teases.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And have an uneven application? Absolutely not!” Hilda looks at her girlfriend in mock horror.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Okay, okay. We can come back another time to look. We have to get going now or we’ll be late to the movie- and I am not sitting in the front row.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A few weeks later, Hilda finds herself with a dainty white gift bag. Edelgard smiles at her, waiting expectantly for her to open it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>There’s a cute little bottle of perfume nestled carefully in light pink tissue paper. “What is this?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Give it a sniff. I think you’ll like it.” Edelgard motions at her impatiently. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hilda does and her eyes immediately light up in delight. It’s everything that she wants in a perfume. “I love this!” It’s light and floral, like she has told Edelgard, but there’s also the subtlest hint of something a little sweet, but a soft sweet, not a punch you in the face vanilla sugar sweet.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I knew you would.” Edelgard replies simply. She’s proud of herself, Hilda knows.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hilda rewards her efforts with a very extended kiss that leaves both of them breathless. </span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Edelgard’s thoughtfulness and attention to detail are some of her best qualities. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hilda loves that about her.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>She ends up adding the near empty bottle to one of the freezer bags with her other cosmetics. It’s a pretty bottle, she tells herself, not just because she wants to hang onto the bottle. She’d have to start buying her own perfume now instead of relying on Edelgard to buy it for her. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Another thing she would have to start doing on her own, for herself.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Her vanity is nearly empty by now. All that’s left are a few scattered hairbands, bobby pins, and a handmade hair clip from Edelgard. It was simple in design, a single row of little white flowers. Of the five little flowers, Hilda’s favourite was the middle one. It was slightly higher than the other ones.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Not entirely noticeable unless you stared at it really closely.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hilda remembers Edelgard wincing as she helps Hilda fasten the gift into her hair.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Are you hurt?” Hilda asks, grabbing Edelgard’s hands as she pulls away.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Edelgard stares down at their joined hands with a look of adorable embarrassment. She mumbles something unintelligible under her breath.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Del, I don’t know what you said.” Hilda says softly, smiling. “You can tell me anything, you know that right?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You promise you won’t laugh?” Edelgard mumbles, still embarrassed, pointedly looking away from Hilda.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I promise.” Hilda drops a kiss on the back of Edelgard’s hand.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I burned my finger gluing the flowers onto the clip. Hot glue guns are hotter than I remember.” Edelgard finally admits.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hilda can’t help herself but giggle.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Edelgard pouts. “You said you wouldn’t laugh!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m not laughing! I’m </span>
  <em>
    <span>giggling.</span>
  </em>
  <span>” Hilda replies. “I’ll kiss it better. Which finger is it?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“This one.” Edelgard flips Hilda off, a smile threatening to break her pout.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hilda laughs outright this time and kisses the raised finger anyway. </span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>The way that Edelgard smiles at Hilda makes the whole world fall away. Just one look and Hilda is left breathless at the brilliant girl standing before her, happy.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hilda loves that about Edelgard.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Hilda tucks the clip into the same side pocket as the tensor and sweeps the rest of the hair accessories into her makeup bag. She puts her hair up into two pigtails. It doesn’t feel right without the hair clip. But she feels lighter, both literally and figuratively.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It's strange to see her life for the last three years packed into half a dozen boxes. But it was time to move on.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>They meet up again the day before Hilda is set to leave for Derdriu. Edelgard has a large cardboard box on the floor by her feet.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It’s awkward. Understandably so, but Edelgard steels herself for this. She has to do this.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So.” Hilda decides to break the silence. “I saw that there was a new Battle of Eagle and Lion board game coming out soon.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Edelgard regards her cooly, arms folded across her chest. “What are you doing, Hilda?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hilda raises her eyebrows, confused. “Making conversation?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You can’t come in here pretending that nothing has happened.” Edelgard’s face remains impassive. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m not?” Hilda frowns at Edelgard. The difference between the Edelgard from their last conversation and the Edelgard that sits before her, stoney-eyed, is quite stark.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You can’t break up with me and then be all friendly and make small talk.” Edelgard states quietly. She glances off to the side, refusing to meet Hilda’s gaze.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hilda takes a deep breath. “Edelgard. You’re my best friend. We may have broken up, but that doesn’t change the fact that you are my best friend.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Edelgard stares at her, her expression unreadable as she just keeps on staring at Hilda. “Goddess. You’re serious aren’t you?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We can’t stay friends.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What?” Hilda repeats, shock evident across her face. She hasn’t even considered the possibility that Edelgard wouldn’t want to stay friends. They have been inseparable since the moment that they met. They have been this way for the last three years.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Edelgard’s voice remains steely. “We can’t stay friends, Hilda.” She reaches down for the box by her feet. And plunks it down onto the table with an unceremonious thud. The cardboard flaps that struggle to conceal the box’s contents are wrinkled and damp looking. Edelgard pushes it across the table to Hilda. “I am returning these items to you. Please don’t ever contact me again.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Edelgard…” Hilda tries again. She can’t bring herself to touch the box. She can only see a few of the items from the gaps in the cardboard flaps but she knows what the box holds. The reminders of their relationship, all slotted neatly into a little cardboard box. She doesn’t understand. This isn’t the Edelgard she knows. It’s like her brain has stalled, unable to compute this.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, Hilda. You decided that we should break up. I respected that. I am deciding that we can no longer be friends. I hope you can respect my decision as well.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hilda opens and closes her mouth a few times, at a loss for words for once. “Okay.” She says at last. There is no changing Edelgard’s mind once she has decided. It’s a quality that Hilda once found endearing. Edelgard nods grimly at her. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey Edelgard? These last few years that I’ve shared with you have been some of the happiest years of my life. I’ve learned a lot about myself. So thank you, I’ll never forget that.” Hilda forces a smile even though everything inside her is screaming.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Edelgard looks up at her sadly, the heartbreak in her eyes is clear. “Forgive me if I don’t feel the same. I hope I will forget you sooner rather than later. Goodbye, Hilda.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hilda watches Edelgard walk out of her life. This hurts more than she expects.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Maybe there is nothing good in goodbye.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I had a lot of fun writing this! (Love writing angst lol as my recent string of posted fics will show you lol) </p><p>My brain couldn't write the actual olympics chapter until I had their breakup properly visualized so here we are. </p><p>A lot of my own break ups went into this so writing it has been an emotional albeit cathartic time. Felt good to get all that out hahaha</p><p>Thank you for reading! As always, kudos and comments are greatly appreciated. Stay safe out there! &lt;3</p></blockquote></div></div>
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